From Discomfort to Resilience: The Unexpected Gift of Culture Shock

Words and photos by Alex Refsnider, who studied abroad with ASA in Florence, Italy, during the fall semester of 2024.  

Perhaps the greatest lesson culture shock teaches us is that confidence is not something we have before an experience, but it is something we build through the experience. We do not travel abroad because we already possess every skill we need. We go abroad to discover that we are capable of learning those skills.

During my time studying abroad in Italy, I experienced culture shock in ways I never anticipated. One of the most memorable, and admittedly embarrassing, moments happened on my first day of classes.

It was a hot August morning in Florence, and before heading to class, I stopped at a local café for breakfast. I was already melting in the heat, and the American in me simply could not imagine starting the day with a hot coffee. There was only one solution: iced coffee.

Feeling confident in the limited Italian I had been teaching myself, I walked up to the counter, studied the menu, and ordered what I thought was an iced coffee. The man behind the counter looked at me with complete confusion, chuckled slightly, disappeared for a moment, and then returned with my order.

It was not an iced coffee.

It was a cup of ice cream.

At 9:00 in the morning.

I stood there mortified. Not only had I completely misunderstood what I was ordering, but I had done so in front of a crowded café on my very first day of classes. To make matters worse, the Florence heat quickly turned my breakfast into a melting disaster, and before I even made it to class, ice cream had dripped all over my white dress.

In that moment, I felt embarrassed and a little discouraged. Part of me wondered if I should even keep trying to speak Italian. But after the initial frustration wore off, I realized something important: this was exactly the kind of experience I had come abroad for. Not the melted ice cream, of course, but the opportunity to learn, adapt, and laugh at myself along the way.

From that day forward, I decided to temporarily cross “iced coffee” off my list and embrace the local coffee culture instead. More importantly, I kept practicing my Italian. What felt like a disaster at the time eventually became one of my favorite stories from abroad and a reminder that mistakes are often where the best learning happens.

There will be moments that feel uncomfortable. Trust me, I had plenty more. There may be days when you miss home, feel frustrated, or wonder why something so simple suddenly feels so difficult. Culture shock and homesickness are rarely one-time experiences. They often come in waves. Just when you think you’ve adjusted, another unfamiliar situation might challenge you. That’s normal.

Looking back, that experience taught me early on something important about culture shock. In the moment, it felt frustrating and embarrassing. But it also forced me to realize and adapt. I  learned more about Italian café culture, became more comfortable making mistakes, and gained confidence in my ability to approach unfamiliar situations.

That’s because culture shock often follows what I say is a “growth loop.” It usually begins with discomfort and stress. Something feels unfamiliar, confusing, or overwhelming. But as we adapt, we begin to understand the situation better. That adaptation builds confidence, and confidence strengthens resilience. Then, the next challenge becomes a little easier to face.

Discomfort → Stress → Adaptation → Confidence → Resilience

The cycle then repeats itself. Each new challenge gives us another opportunity to grow. What once felt intimidating eventually becomes routine, and we discover that we are capable of much more than we originally thought.

What matters is remembering that discomfort is not a sign that something is wrong, it is a sign that growth is happening. Every awkward conversation, every wrong turn, every cultural misunderstanding, and every challenge you overcome is helping you become more adaptable, confident, and resilient.

Honestly, most of the growth that happens abroad occurs in the small moments, and you should celebrate and acknowledge them! It happens when you order food in another language, navigate public transportation on your own, ask for help when you’re unsure, or walk into a new situation despite feeling nervous. Those moments may not seem significant at the time, but they are quietly shaping who you become.

I am not suggesting that understanding culture shock will eliminate homesickness or make every challenge feel easy. There will still be days when you miss familiar routines, crave the comforts of home, or question why you signed up for an experience that feels difficult. But I hope understanding how resilient and adaptable we truly are can provide some reassurance when those moments arise.

Because the reward is worth it.

The friendships, memories, confidence, independence, and perspective you gain from stepping outside your comfort zone can stay with you for the rest of your life. The confidence you build abroad does not stay abroad; it comes home with you. Long after the trip ends, you will remember the challenges you overcame and realize they taught you far more than you expected.

So, when culture shock appears, remember that feeling uncomfortable does not mean something is wrong. See it as proof that you are growing. You are likely far more capable, flexible, and resilient than you realize.

Have a wonderful time abroad. Embrace the challenges, celebrate the small victories, and trust yourself. The experience may not always be comfortable, but some of the best things in life happen just outside of our comfort zones.

Ciao,
Alex Refsnider

Thanks, Alex!