Study Abroad: The hardest part of leaving

Words and photos by Gianna Messia, who studied abroad with ASA in Florence, Italy, during the fall semester of 2024.

You would think the hardest part of leaving your study abroad city and experience would be making sure your luggage is underweight. Or making sure you don’t leave anything behind when you’re clearing out your apartment! Unfortunately for most, your goodbyes are a lot harder than you think. Abroad, you become braver and learn how to navigate foreign streets, foreign languages, foreign versions of yourself. You make friends faster because time feels borrowed. You say yes to a lot more than you think! You grow into someone who knows how to be alone without being lonely and who trusts their instincts. You become someone who realizes they are far more capable than they ever thought. And then, suddenly, it’s time to leave that person behind.

You start to notice the endings before they even happen. The last coffee at your favorite café, even though the barista doesn’t know it’s the last. The final walk home on the cobblestone streets your feet know by heart. The last time you complained about something small, because even the small things are what you’ll cherish forever. Goodbyes abroad are strange because they’re layered. You’re not just saying goodbye to people, you’re saying goodbye to a life that only exists in that specific time and place.

What makes the hardest goodbye even harder is that it’s invisible. When you return home, people are excited to see you. Your family waited months to wrap their arms around you and hug you ever so tightly. They expect magical stories and pictures, not sadness. They assume coming back home is a relief. And in some ways, it is. But you carry a secret grief for a life that no one else quite knew. A life abroad where you were freer, messier, and more alive in ways you didn’t fully appreciate until it ended.

It’s tempting to distract yourself until the last possible second, when your flight home is a week away. You’re hoping the pain won’t catch up to you. But avoidance usually makes goodbyes a lot messier than they need to be. Instead, choose closure. Have those conversations you’ve been putting off. Tell people what they’ve meant to you. Write notes, letters, or messages if saying it out loud feels too hard. Goodbyes don’t have to be sad. You and your friends could host a farewell dinner. Go out dancing one last time at your favorite pub. Revisit the places that helped create your life abroad. Turning the ending into a celebration reframes it. Also, physical reminders matter more than we think. Bring home small, meaningful objects such as a postcard, a journaling notebook, a piece of art, or a favorite recipe. These can help you feel connected long after you leave and remind you that the experience doesn’t disappear just because you’ve moved home.

When returning home, the goodbye doesn’t end at the airport. Reverse culture shock is real! Grief can sneak up weeks or even several months later. Be patient with yourself. Journal. Talk about your experience with people who understand, like those you met abroad. Resist the urge to rush into “normal” life and cherish every new thing you’ve learned.

Still, the hardest goodbye is also proof that your experience mattered. That you loved deeply, lived fully, and allowed a place to change you. Not everyone gets that. And maybe the real gift of being abroad is knowing that you can feel that kind of belonging more than once. Your next mission is to return to that place and revisit all of the landmarks in your city abroad.

Thanks, Gianna!